Me interviewing man for the position of Sector Coordinator.
Me: So what can you tell me about yourself?
Man: I'm a dirty scumbag. I'm on my third marriage. I have a coke problem about twice a decade. My credit is hit but you probably already know that from my background check. I barely made it through college. I fucked my brother's gf when we were in high school. I'm a sycophant. I kick dogs when no one is looking. Sometimes I think about maiming strangers when I masturbate.
Me: Ah. Wonderful. That must be interesting. Let me ask you. Do you think you can mesh with our corporate culture based on what I've told you already?
Man: If you're looking for a privileged, bougie, spoiled little baby who doesn't know how to do shit in the workplace beside point fingers and get admin assistants to jack his pud once every five years, look no farther. I am your man.
Me: Excellent. Excellent. The conversation feels right. You know what I mean? Tell you what. I'm gonna put you through to the next stage. I'm going to forward the (I make quotation marks with my fingers) results of this interview to Elaine Roberts and Tanisha Hightower and you'll be hearing from one or both of them.
That, in a nutshell, is my day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know all his other qualifications make him a stellar candidate, but how could you put him through when he said "farther" instead of "further." No wonder our economy is shit.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete