No, I get it. You're busting my nuts over a metrics report that you are not trained to interpret.

"No, Legs. This column. On the left. See? 77%."

"Yes. But that column does not apply to my specific performance. It describes the progression of the ENTIRE GROUP from the start of the implementation. I'm over here on the right. 97.43%."

"Well. Why would this column be on here if it didn't have anything to do with you? You are a part of the group, right?"

"Yes. I am. And if you add some other people's 65%'s and 81%'s to my 97.43%, you will most likely find a number that comes out around 77%."

"I'm not going to sit here and add and divide, Legs. That's not what this company pays me to do."

Of course it is not, thinks Legs. It doesn't take a guy with, IDK A MASTER'S DEGREE, to figure this one out. The company pays your short little ass to harass the employees who do a good job and behave and show up and as a result can't be fired. You are employed to induce those employees to quit eventually so that the firm will not have to pay their pensions.

Don't worry. I completely know what your job entails. They pay you to bully people. And what a lovely job you have. And oh, that girl you're fucking now that you're both managers?
Wanna see pictures of her? I have some on my phone. One is of her belly. I think you'd like it.
It's covered in something thick and milky and smells kind of like Clorox sometimes.